Tuesday, 19 October 2021
Bye, but not actually
Hello friends, I will no longer be using this for updates and have moved to a NEW BLOG where I will continue posting.
Tuesday, 10 August 2021
Stillness of the mind
A little bit of self reflection here now that I'll be turning 30 very soon. Turning 30 seems so daunting, maybe because there are so many societal and cultural pressures involved around that age. There are certain expectations that we are led to believe we must achieve or be on our way to achieving by this age. I just think about being in high school and having all these "goals" or I guess they weren't really goals then, they were just things that I thought I would have achieved by now, a sort of life check list; things I would have done by the time I was 30. These include having a house, be married with kids, or in a relationship...or at the very least not be a virgin. I thought I would be skinny, that my relationship with my parents would be better. I thought I would have a career I loved, that I would be done with my depression and was going to be living my best life, all by the time I was, you guessed it, 30.
Yet here I am, two days away from turning 30 and I've yet to achieve any of those things and you know what? That's okay. Life doesn't always turn out the way we plan or imagine it to. Things get in the way, goals change. I'm definitely not the same person I was when I was in school and the life I pictured for myself then isn't what I imagine for myself now. Obviously there are things I wanted back then which I still do now. I would love to live in a house of my own but i know this is something I can work towards so I'm not necessarily stressed about it not having happened yet. While I am extremely upset about still being a virgin HA, being married or in a relationship doesn't feel like a priority at the moment. I know in my last post I vented about how lonely I am and while this is still true at times, I feel like in the past year, I've slowly started to consider the prospect of never having a romantic partner and to be okay being alone, it's still a work in progress but it doesn't seem like the end of the world. While I definitely like the idea of kids in the future, I am 100% not equipped to have any now and don't want to birth any of my own. Adoption is something I've wanted to do well before I was old enough to know better but now the older I get, the more I want to hopefully do it.
Being skinny? Well you saw my last post and know how I feel about my weight. It's been a very long work in progress but believe it or not, my feelings surround my self esteem and body image have improved somewhat. I no longer want to be skinny, I think I've sort of accepted that I will always be somewhat of a fat kid but for now I'm aiming to work towards feeling more comfortable with the way I look, rather than trying to change myself to fit someone else's ideals.
My relationship with my parents hasn't been the best the past few years. It seems like I'm constantly butting heads with one or the other. I've been quite angry with my dad for the past several months which in a way brought me closer to my mum. Then the past few weeks I've been back to being civil with my dad (probably because he hasn't mentioned getting me married) as I've been annoyed at my mum (for other reasons). It's a constant up and down with them but I guess we're working on it.
I'm okay with not loving my job. I don't hate it and it gives me money which lets me do things that I do love, like travelling.
My mental health is better than it has been in the past but there's still such a long way to go. This is something I need to take a much more active approach in.
I feel like this post is not going the way I initially planned on (much like my life). As I said, things haven't gone the way I imagined and it's okay even when it doesn't feel like it. I think what I can be happy about is that now more than ever before, I know who I am as a person, I know what my interests, likes and dislikes are. I may not know exactly what I want out of my life, I still continue to make mistakes and compare myself far too much to the people around me (which in turn makes me feel bad about myself) even though I know it's not healthy (but boy when you have so many over achievers or just people who appear to be excelling at life it's hard not to), but I'm still learning. Learning to live my own life, do things my own way in my own time and not let other people dictate what I should want or do with it. I know what my values are, I know when you break down everything, what's truly important to me and these are all things I had no idea about when I was younger so you know what? Turning 30 doesn't seem too bad if it means I'll continue to grow and learn and I have a feeling my 30s are going to be much better than my 20s.
This was less of a self reflection and more of a thoughts I need to get out of my system but here we are.
Until next time
Thursday, 23 January 2020
Answer
This has been on my mind for a long time now and I feel like I sort of need to get my thoughts outside of my own head.
I don't really know where to start, basically I've been thinking about dating a lot more this past year because everyone around me are getting into relationships and also the fact that I'm getting older and have never come close to any semblance of a relationship.
It's no secret I've had an insane amount of pressure from my family about still being single and not being married yet but this isn't what I want to talk about.
I don't really know where to start, basically I've been thinking about dating a lot more this past year because everyone around me are getting into relationships and also the fact that I'm getting older and have never come close to any semblance of a relationship.
It's no secret I've had an insane amount of pressure from my family about still being single and not being married yet but this isn't what I want to talk about.
I've had multiple friends tell me to try online dating because let's be real, how else am I supposed to meet someones these days? I'm not very social, my life is basically work and home so online dating is clearly the answer, but it's so fucking daunting and despite trying a few times, I always end up deleting my profile.
I was thinking about why it's so hard for me and I think 99% of it comes down to how fucked up my self esteem issues are regarding my weight. All my life I've been overweight and have been told that I will need to lose weight if I want someone to like me. No joke, when I was 12 or 13, this boy in my class said if I ever wanted a guy to like me then I would have to stop being fat and as messed up as that is, those words have stuck with me. It's not just him, a multitude of my relatives and non relatives have commented on my weight my entire life, I've been told how much prettier I would be if I lost weight. I once got so sick I lost a bunch of weight when I was in hospital and someone commented on how I looked good once I was out of hospital. My entire life has been filled with unwanted comments about my weight and of course these have affected me negatively.
So I guess I now have a huge sense of fear surrounding my weight? Fear of not being liked or fear of rejection because of the way I look. Now because of this I've built up all these walls around me to protect myself from being hurt. I feel like I've perhaps created this persona of being nonchalant and I act as though I'm okay with being single but holy shit I'm so fucking lonely sometimes of course I want to experience what it would be like to have someone romantically in my life.
I once had a conversation with a friend who was commenting on another friend and how she's single and it would be nice for her to find someone, to which I replied it would be nice for myself to find someone too, but they were like oh but you're okay on your own...I'm not okay!!! I just pretend I am because I'm scared.
I mean the weight issue isn't my only issue when it comes to relationships, still on my appearance, there's the insecurity about my body hair, scarring and weird pigmentation. That just the physical stuff but let's get back on topic and focus on one thing at a time here.
You're probably like hey if it's such a big deal then why don't you just lose weight? Isn't that the million dollar question. I have tried and tried, two years ago I was getting close to my goal but then I went through a really bad episode which majorly fucked me up and I never quite recovered, to the point where I am now 10kgs heavier than what I was before that episode. So yeah I basically feel like shit, it's actually horrible I can feel the weight I've put back on and it makes me hate myself each day. I've had so many people tell me to join a gym and exercise and trust me I know what I should be doing but it's so fucking hard to get into that mindset again.
It's funny when I see other people similar to my size or bigger than me, I don't think anything of it, I still think they's beautiful so it's 100% an ingrained self hatred thing and not an 'I hate fat people' thing because that's not it at all.
I know my weight doesn't define me as a person but society makes it so fucking hard to feel normal when you're overweight. I want to lose weight for more than people's acceptance and messed up beauty standards because honestly even in the past when I had lost a lot of weight and would get complimented for it, it still made me feel uneasy and I hated it. I want to do it for myself, to prove to myself that I can do it, to feel confident in myself.
Look I've lost my train of thought so this post is a bit of a mess but I guess that's my usual.
Basically the reason why I'm so scared to try online dating is because of how superficial the whole process is (I'm quite superficial too so that also doesn't help) and I don't want to feel bad about myself because of some guy. Ugh I don't know, I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin and to also meet the love of my life, like is that too much to ask for?
I will hopefully be back with a happier post because I still need to write about my Korea trip.
Tuesday, 30 April 2019
Endgame
I was going to post this on my movie blog which I haven't updated in six years, but I can't for the life of me remember what email I used for that account so I can't log in...
Anyway I still wanted to let out my feelings about endgame so here goes. It's not going to be a cohesive review because, I mean this is me we're talking about, instead you get dot points of word vomit.
- Time travel story lines are something I LOVE. I don't know, there's just something so fun about time travel, despite all the plot holes it opens up so I did really enjoy the scenes where they go back in time to find the infinity stones.
- THOR FUCKING DESERVED BETTER
- Thor in Ragnarok went through so much development as a character, he grew as a person, learnt that he didn't need a weapon to hone his power and the Russo brothers basically eliminated all of this in Infinity War, only to make it so much worse in Endgame. The whole Thor being fat throughout the entire movie and being ridiculed for it was insulting, and it seemed like he was mainly there to serve as comedic relief.
- I hated that Natasha's purpose in this was to serve as a sacrifice, once again undoing all the progress she has made as a character. The scene where she's fighting with Hawkeye was heartbreaking, especially since I'm a huge Clintasha advocate and no one can tell me they weren't supposed to be together (secret family/ random pining for Bruce be damned). The fact that they were both willing to sacrifice themselves to save each other (and humanity I guess), THAT SCENE WHERE THEIR FOREHEADS TOUCH (I had the whole lip quivering type of crying going on)
I HATED the fact that her death was not properly mourned, yes I know they got into a huge fight with Thanos but it was brushed off so easily and was never addressed again despite her being such a vital character in this franchise.
- Steve Rogers...where do I even begin. Steve is my favourite (I love him with all my heart) and I have such mixed feelings over what they did to him this movie. Erasure of character development (are you sensing a theme here?), Steve has grown so much since he was first pulled out of the ice in Avengers. He's made friends and family and has learnt to adapt to the present. Peggy told Steve that she lived a full life, she passed away and this was all shown so we could see Steve moving on from the past, yet why was he suddenly pining for Peggy all over again. Did they forget his brief relationship or whatever you call it with Sharon? The least they could have done is address this, even in just a single sentence like Thor did about Jane in Ragnarok (honestly Ragnarok is the god tier of these movies). Steve at the end leaving behind his new family for Peggy was a cop out and an easy way for them to end his run as Captain America. There's no way he would be selfish enough knowing she already had a life without him, to go back and interfere with that. Especially since he has a family now, he has Bucky with him, why would he leave them all without saying anything? This also completely erased Peggy's progress which was shown in Agent Carter. Look if you know me then you know I love Steve and Peggy together with all my heart so for me to be saying this ending shouldn't have happened is bad. I sat there watching old Steve, feeling uneasy about what they did to him as a character. Yet despite all the bad feelings, the minute I saw Steve and Peggy dancing at the end, I burst out crying because I really do love them so much together (AND MY SHIPS USUALLY NEVER WORK OUT). So yes mixed feelings...
- Bruce felt like comedic effect for the most part too, that scene in the diner was so strange but he was also the only one who mentioned anything about Natasha and trying to bring her back. Once again WHY DID NO ONE ELSE MOURN FOR HER
- Tony Stark however I think what he went through this movie felt right? Yes I was crying a lot and it was devastating but it wasn't unexpected so I felt somewhat at peace with this. I think the funeral/memorial at the end helped with this so I wish they had done the same with Natasha, or even Vision who we also lost in Infinity War but no one really talked about this.
More things I liked
- Antman was great, most of the humour was done well, I did like a lot of things in the movie but at the same time it could have been so much better (if Taika Waititi had been in charge)
- STEVE WITH MJOLNIR YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
- Carol's short hair
- the female empowerment scene was great but I wish it didn't feel so gratuitous
- all the Steve/Tony interactions (my stony heart will live forever)
I have more thoughts but this post is such a mess already so I'm going to stop now
Overall I did enjoy it despite all the things I didn't like about it. I just feel so attached to these characters who have been a part of my life for so many years so everything about it is honestly making me emotional. I am seeing it again this weekend so lets hope there won't be more tears this time.
Anyway I still wanted to let out my feelings about endgame so here goes. It's not going to be a cohesive review because, I mean this is me we're talking about, instead you get dot points of word vomit.
- Time travel story lines are something I LOVE. I don't know, there's just something so fun about time travel, despite all the plot holes it opens up so I did really enjoy the scenes where they go back in time to find the infinity stones.
- THOR FUCKING DESERVED BETTER
- Thor in Ragnarok went through so much development as a character, he grew as a person, learnt that he didn't need a weapon to hone his power and the Russo brothers basically eliminated all of this in Infinity War, only to make it so much worse in Endgame. The whole Thor being fat throughout the entire movie and being ridiculed for it was insulting, and it seemed like he was mainly there to serve as comedic relief.
- I hated that Natasha's purpose in this was to serve as a sacrifice, once again undoing all the progress she has made as a character. The scene where she's fighting with Hawkeye was heartbreaking, especially since I'm a huge Clintasha advocate and no one can tell me they weren't supposed to be together (secret family/ random pining for Bruce be damned). The fact that they were both willing to sacrifice themselves to save each other (and humanity I guess), THAT SCENE WHERE THEIR FOREHEADS TOUCH (I had the whole lip quivering type of crying going on)
I HATED the fact that her death was not properly mourned, yes I know they got into a huge fight with Thanos but it was brushed off so easily and was never addressed again despite her being such a vital character in this franchise.
- Steve Rogers...where do I even begin. Steve is my favourite (I love him with all my heart) and I have such mixed feelings over what they did to him this movie. Erasure of character development (are you sensing a theme here?), Steve has grown so much since he was first pulled out of the ice in Avengers. He's made friends and family and has learnt to adapt to the present. Peggy told Steve that she lived a full life, she passed away and this was all shown so we could see Steve moving on from the past, yet why was he suddenly pining for Peggy all over again. Did they forget his brief relationship or whatever you call it with Sharon? The least they could have done is address this, even in just a single sentence like Thor did about Jane in Ragnarok (honestly Ragnarok is the god tier of these movies). Steve at the end leaving behind his new family for Peggy was a cop out and an easy way for them to end his run as Captain America. There's no way he would be selfish enough knowing she already had a life without him, to go back and interfere with that. Especially since he has a family now, he has Bucky with him, why would he leave them all without saying anything? This also completely erased Peggy's progress which was shown in Agent Carter. Look if you know me then you know I love Steve and Peggy together with all my heart so for me to be saying this ending shouldn't have happened is bad. I sat there watching old Steve, feeling uneasy about what they did to him as a character. Yet despite all the bad feelings, the minute I saw Steve and Peggy dancing at the end, I burst out crying because I really do love them so much together (AND MY SHIPS USUALLY NEVER WORK OUT). So yes mixed feelings...
- Bruce felt like comedic effect for the most part too, that scene in the diner was so strange but he was also the only one who mentioned anything about Natasha and trying to bring her back. Once again WHY DID NO ONE ELSE MOURN FOR HER
- Tony Stark however I think what he went through this movie felt right? Yes I was crying a lot and it was devastating but it wasn't unexpected so I felt somewhat at peace with this. I think the funeral/memorial at the end helped with this so I wish they had done the same with Natasha, or even Vision who we also lost in Infinity War but no one really talked about this.
More things I liked
- Antman was great, most of the humour was done well, I did like a lot of things in the movie but at the same time it could have been so much better (if Taika Waititi had been in charge)
- STEVE WITH MJOLNIR YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
- Carol's short hair
- the female empowerment scene was great but I wish it didn't feel so gratuitous
- all the Steve/Tony interactions (my stony heart will live forever)
I have more thoughts but this post is such a mess already so I'm going to stop now
Overall I did enjoy it despite all the things I didn't like about it. I just feel so attached to these characters who have been a part of my life for so many years so everything about it is honestly making me emotional. I am seeing it again this weekend so lets hope there won't be more tears this time.
Tuesday, 24 July 2018
Snapshot
I lost about 95% of my holiday photos so I wanted a place to have my memories. I know it's been half a year but I wanted to post about my holiday in Tokyo. I'll try and keep it brief but I'll probably get carried away and write too much.
DAY 1
- Arrived in Tokyo to snow (ice/sludge) everywhere which was amazing because I've never seen that much snow in a city before. It's a shame I didn't actually get to see it snowing
- Got to our accommodation, starving, walked over to Coco Curry in Shibuya and man have I missed that curry. It was a great first meal on a cold winter day.
- Tried a cute little warm tea from a vending machine which had a slight corn flavour to it
DAY 2
- Got Ichiran Ramen for brunch. The place was pretty cool because they had individual booth that could be opened up if with a group. I also loved the taste of the ramen here.
- Walked over to Harajuku and never realised how close the walk was from Shibuya
- Went shopping in Harajuku, got crepes and takoyaki
- Walked back to our accommodation
- A whole mishap happened where we were running late to get to the concert venue for VIXX LR and I was a mess and almost started crying but it all worked out in the end and we got there before the show started, thank god.
- VIXX LR concert was one of the best concerts I have been to and I'm so happy I got the chance to go. Everything from the setlist, to the stage, to the lighting was perfect. They performed 'Beautiful Liar' first and I started crying, 'Whisper' also made me cry but it was just such a good show I was so happy that night.
- We bought our tickets from people I met on twitter and they were /so/ nice about everything it was so cool
- Back to Harajuku and got Tsukemen Ramen which was really nice
- Did a taste test with things we bought from the convenience store
DAY 3
- Jenny and I went to Tower Records to buy my Up10tion albums so I could go to their fan meet
- Tried convenience store buns and we fell hard for these. I think with the weather, they were just perfect, I ended up eating so many this trip. My favourites were the curry bun and the pizza bun. Honestly, try them if you go to Japan.
- Went to this other venue where LR were having their 'handshake' event. Yes that's right, we went their to shake their hands and it was awesome. We met a couple of American girls there and one of the girls who I bought my concert tickets from was also there so we hung out with her. There was another dilemma where I started panicking about not getting to do the handshake so we bought another album but it all worked out and we ended up with two handshake passes so got to touch Taekwoon and Wonsik's hands twice. They were so beautiful, the handshake went by so quickly so I just said thank you the first time then I thanked them for coming to Australia.
I flew to another country for these guys and I know it sounds crazy but it just made me so happy I have no regrets about doing this.
- Walked around/shopped for a bit. The food department in the Isetan department centre was insane. Everything was so neatly organised and so fancy looking, I was stupid and forgot to save my photos from here so I'm kicking myself now.
-Got Sushi for dinner and I'm not the biggest fan of raw fish so I didn't try much but now I'm regretting not trying more, maybe I could have changed my mind about raw fish.
- Bought some Japanese alcohol (because the bottles were pretty) and mixed it with the soft drinks we bought...good stuff
DAY 4
- Got chicken skewers for breakfast and took a train to Yomiuri Land which is an amusement park where Up10tion were holding their mini fanmeet
- Took a cable car to get to the park which was quite nice. The weather was perfect that day, it was nice and sunny but still chilly.
- We had time to kill until the fanmeet started so we walked around and got churros (with pretty blue sugar) (jenny also got dippin dots).
- The fanmeet was inside this hall, we all went in and we didn't have a ticket so the front section was all filled up but still got good seats since the place wasn't full
- Up10tion came out in their red suits and my eyes went straight to Sooil because damn boy is so good looking. It's funny because when I watched their new music video I wasn't feeling him as much as some of the other members but seeing him in real life, it was hard to look anywhere but at him.
They performed 'Wild Love' and a ballad from their new Japanese album and played games and were just being silly on stage. They were so cute and funny I'm so happy I got to see them again even if it was just for a short time.
After this I lined up for my photo with Sooil. It was different from the time I did this with History, much more restricted for time, they check your phone before you go up to the member and you're only allowed to take two photos, there was no limit with History which was nice because you got to talk to them for a bit while they took photos but this felt really rushed.
I got to Sooil and he was so beautiful, we said hi and I told him I saw him at kcon and he was like oh you're from Australia and I said yes and he held my hand, OUR HANDS INTERLOCKED YO. Then he took the photos and OUR FACES TOUCHED and I was dying internally because he smiled and I wanted to pass out. But yes as I said, this was really rushed and so after the photos I went to walk off the stage and Gyujin turned around and waved at me and BOY WHY YOU SO CUTE
Luckily I still have these photos.
It was time for the signings next so I went back and stood in line. From where I was standing, I could see Sooil, Minsoo and Jinwook and boy they were all so beautiful, it was amazing. Once I got to Sooil, wait let me write down what I remember.
M: Hi!
S: Hi
*Sooil started to sign the card*
M: I saw you guys in Australia at KCON and you were amazing
S: Ah KCON was very hmm (then he was trying to think of the word to say in English but said something in Korean which I didn't understand, then he turned to Minsoo and asked him for the word but Minsoo didn't know either so he turned back to me and was all hmm...hmm..)
S: Exciting?
M: Yeah!
S: Yes KCON and Australia was very exciting!
M: I have a question for you (then handed him my shitty note book paper with my question)
M: What makes you happy?
He looked down at the question then looked up at me
S: Honey10 (the fandom name)
I started giggling (yes I know) and he started giggling too
M: That's cute (still giggling)
Then he wrote Honey10 on my paper and wrote something else, looked at me again
S: You make me happy
I Know it's cheesy as hell and it's all fan service but oh boy let me tell you it was a miracle I didn't pass out after he said that to me while smiling at me with that beautiful smile. Anyway I started giggling even more
M: You make me happy too
Then he was giggling again and we were just looking at each other and oh man it was perfect
Then he held my hands and I didn't pass out again, thanked me for coming and I told him to come back to Australia.
We stayed until all the signing was done then left the amusement park. I was on cloud 9, everything felt perfect at that moment. The weather was beautiful and I had just met one of my biases and it was glorious.
That night we went out to Shinjuku and had shabu shabu for dinner
DAY 5
Went to Harajuku for fluffy pancakes. It was my first time trying Japanese pancakes and I was a fan, however my favourite thing I had from that pancake place was the creme bruleed bananas. After hanging out in Harajuku for a little longer, I headed off to Shin Okubo to meet up with my friend Miranda. I admit I was a little nervous about this because it had been two years since I met Miranda at the History event and I wondered if i would be awkward since we haven't actually spent that much time together before but it was great! We walked through Shin Okubo which is known as Korea town as there a lot of Korean shops and resturants in that area. We walked through this street which has been coined "Hot guy street" because a lot of predebut rookie kpop groups hang around there and try and get people to go to their shows.
We went to a cafe and talked for a while. It's just so nice how easy it is talking to someone who has similar interests as you, it was so nice seeing her and getting to spend time with her that day. We then headed to a concert venue where Miranda was taking me to a concert for a group she really likes called Circus Crazy. They're a Korean group but pretty much only promote and perform in Japan and have quite a tiny fanbase. Outside the venue, everyone seemed to know each other so lots of people were saying hi to Miranda and asked about me because I obviously stood out. They were all so lovely to me, it was nice meeting them even with the language barrier. The venue was a tiny little place, really intimate with less than 50 fans there. The group don't have a lot of original songs out yet so the show consisted mostly of covers but it was a fun show. One thing i thought was really cool was that their lightstick has a different colour for each member so you can set it to whoever your bias is or set it to a certain member when they performed a solo song.
As soon as the show ended, we were herded upstairs because another group was performing straight after. That's another thing, I never knew about this culture of tiny kpop groups trying to get their name out in Japan, none which have debuted yet in Korea and I found out that in a venue like the one we went to, there can be around 5 shows in the one day.
Upstairs was where all the fan meet stuff was happening, initially I was just going to buy a polaroid but Miranda convinced me to also get a sign. Because it was my first show, I also got a free selfie pass with one member. I chose Mingyu who is Miranda's favourite member. The photo time was really short so I didn't really say much.
The polaroid was next and for this, you're allowed to bring in as many people as you want so I got Miranda to come into the photo with me. She told them all that I was her friend from Australia and to be nice. I stood between Mingyu and Daehan and oh man Daehan was so cute. He was holding onto me the whole time and was really clingy and cute and when I was about to leave, he was all "no don't leave and wouldn't let go of my hands" then the other member, Kevin who's American called me back "don't go, I didn't get to shake your hand" they were so nice, it was was great. Even the photographer girl was really nice and it was such a great new experience.
For the signing, Miranda went first and I heard Kevin asking questions about me to which she told him to just ask me himself, I thought that was funny. Minghyu was first and he asked me how to spell my name to write it down and it was almost comical how long it took because of my accent and the language barrier. He then held my hands and sort of just looked at me for a really long time which was so intense haha I mean he's good looking and was staring at me, I got nervous. Kevin was next, he asked me my name and if I always lived in Australia, I thanked him for the show and he was very nice. Daehan was cute once again, we only said a couple of things to each other.
After everyone was done, we went downstairs where the guys came down and said their goodbyes and then it was all over.
Miranda then took me to some shops where they sell kpop merch, I had unfortunately run out of money at this point so I couldn't buy everything I wanted.
We then parted and I made my way to meet up with Jenny and Ayontika to get dinner. We tried to find the place where we ate the magical chicken nanban from our first Japan trip but the area had changed and we couldn't find it so we went to another place and had skewers and other bar food.
Oh dear I just realised I started off well with shorter dot points but I've gone back into writing long passages...my bad
DAY 6
This day is honestly a bit of a blur so the events I remember from this day either happened this day or another day.
- Had brunch at Ichiran Ramen
- Did a bit of shopping in Shibuya
Wow my memory of this day is really bad? I wish I had photos to jog my memory
- Went back to Shin Okubo and bought some kpop merch
- We had tempura for dinner
Day 7
- Tik was staying in Japan longer than us so we parted from her and made our way to the train station. We left our luggage there then went back to Harajuku for some last minute shopping.
- Back to the station then took a bus to the airport then home
It was such a short trip but it was completely wonderful. Tokyo is one of, if not my favourite city that I have visited so I loved going back. Tik told me that this week was filled with everything I loved and that's so accurate. Travelling, fangirling, food, I just love the freedom that comes with being on holidays, getting away from everything, combine that with concerts and there's no better feeling.
DAY 1
- Arrived in Tokyo to snow (ice/sludge) everywhere which was amazing because I've never seen that much snow in a city before. It's a shame I didn't actually get to see it snowing
- Got to our accommodation, starving, walked over to Coco Curry in Shibuya and man have I missed that curry. It was a great first meal on a cold winter day.
- Tried a cute little warm tea from a vending machine which had a slight corn flavour to it
DAY 2
- Got Ichiran Ramen for brunch. The place was pretty cool because they had individual booth that could be opened up if with a group. I also loved the taste of the ramen here.
- Walked over to Harajuku and never realised how close the walk was from Shibuya
- Went shopping in Harajuku, got crepes and takoyaki
- Walked back to our accommodation
- A whole mishap happened where we were running late to get to the concert venue for VIXX LR and I was a mess and almost started crying but it all worked out in the end and we got there before the show started, thank god.
- VIXX LR concert was one of the best concerts I have been to and I'm so happy I got the chance to go. Everything from the setlist, to the stage, to the lighting was perfect. They performed 'Beautiful Liar' first and I started crying, 'Whisper' also made me cry but it was just such a good show I was so happy that night.
- We bought our tickets from people I met on twitter and they were /so/ nice about everything it was so cool
- Back to Harajuku and got Tsukemen Ramen which was really nice
- Did a taste test with things we bought from the convenience store
DAY 3
- Jenny and I went to Tower Records to buy my Up10tion albums so I could go to their fan meet
- Tried convenience store buns and we fell hard for these. I think with the weather, they were just perfect, I ended up eating so many this trip. My favourites were the curry bun and the pizza bun. Honestly, try them if you go to Japan.
- Went to this other venue where LR were having their 'handshake' event. Yes that's right, we went their to shake their hands and it was awesome. We met a couple of American girls there and one of the girls who I bought my concert tickets from was also there so we hung out with her. There was another dilemma where I started panicking about not getting to do the handshake so we bought another album but it all worked out and we ended up with two handshake passes so got to touch Taekwoon and Wonsik's hands twice. They were so beautiful, the handshake went by so quickly so I just said thank you the first time then I thanked them for coming to Australia.
I flew to another country for these guys and I know it sounds crazy but it just made me so happy I have no regrets about doing this.
- Walked around/shopped for a bit. The food department in the Isetan department centre was insane. Everything was so neatly organised and so fancy looking, I was stupid and forgot to save my photos from here so I'm kicking myself now.
-Got Sushi for dinner and I'm not the biggest fan of raw fish so I didn't try much but now I'm regretting not trying more, maybe I could have changed my mind about raw fish.
- Bought some Japanese alcohol (because the bottles were pretty) and mixed it with the soft drinks we bought...good stuff
DAY 4
- Got chicken skewers for breakfast and took a train to Yomiuri Land which is an amusement park where Up10tion were holding their mini fanmeet
- Took a cable car to get to the park which was quite nice. The weather was perfect that day, it was nice and sunny but still chilly.
- We had time to kill until the fanmeet started so we walked around and got churros (with pretty blue sugar) (jenny also got dippin dots).
- The fanmeet was inside this hall, we all went in and we didn't have a ticket so the front section was all filled up but still got good seats since the place wasn't full
- Up10tion came out in their red suits and my eyes went straight to Sooil because damn boy is so good looking. It's funny because when I watched their new music video I wasn't feeling him as much as some of the other members but seeing him in real life, it was hard to look anywhere but at him.
They performed 'Wild Love' and a ballad from their new Japanese album and played games and were just being silly on stage. They were so cute and funny I'm so happy I got to see them again even if it was just for a short time.
After this I lined up for my photo with Sooil. It was different from the time I did this with History, much more restricted for time, they check your phone before you go up to the member and you're only allowed to take two photos, there was no limit with History which was nice because you got to talk to them for a bit while they took photos but this felt really rushed.
I got to Sooil and he was so beautiful, we said hi and I told him I saw him at kcon and he was like oh you're from Australia and I said yes and he held my hand, OUR HANDS INTERLOCKED YO. Then he took the photos and OUR FACES TOUCHED and I was dying internally because he smiled and I wanted to pass out. But yes as I said, this was really rushed and so after the photos I went to walk off the stage and Gyujin turned around and waved at me and BOY WHY YOU SO CUTE
Luckily I still have these photos.
It was time for the signings next so I went back and stood in line. From where I was standing, I could see Sooil, Minsoo and Jinwook and boy they were all so beautiful, it was amazing. Once I got to Sooil, wait let me write down what I remember.
M: Hi!
S: Hi
*Sooil started to sign the card*
M: I saw you guys in Australia at KCON and you were amazing
S: Ah KCON was very hmm (then he was trying to think of the word to say in English but said something in Korean which I didn't understand, then he turned to Minsoo and asked him for the word but Minsoo didn't know either so he turned back to me and was all hmm...hmm..)
S: Exciting?
M: Yeah!
S: Yes KCON and Australia was very exciting!
M: I have a question for you (then handed him my shitty note book paper with my question)
M: What makes you happy?
He looked down at the question then looked up at me
S: Honey10 (the fandom name)
I started giggling (yes I know) and he started giggling too
M: That's cute (still giggling)
Then he wrote Honey10 on my paper and wrote something else, looked at me again
S: You make me happy
I Know it's cheesy as hell and it's all fan service but oh boy let me tell you it was a miracle I didn't pass out after he said that to me while smiling at me with that beautiful smile. Anyway I started giggling even more
M: You make me happy too
Then he was giggling again and we were just looking at each other and oh man it was perfect
Then he held my hands and I didn't pass out again, thanked me for coming and I told him to come back to Australia.
We stayed until all the signing was done then left the amusement park. I was on cloud 9, everything felt perfect at that moment. The weather was beautiful and I had just met one of my biases and it was glorious.
That night we went out to Shinjuku and had shabu shabu for dinner
DAY 5
Went to Harajuku for fluffy pancakes. It was my first time trying Japanese pancakes and I was a fan, however my favourite thing I had from that pancake place was the creme bruleed bananas. After hanging out in Harajuku for a little longer, I headed off to Shin Okubo to meet up with my friend Miranda. I admit I was a little nervous about this because it had been two years since I met Miranda at the History event and I wondered if i would be awkward since we haven't actually spent that much time together before but it was great! We walked through Shin Okubo which is known as Korea town as there a lot of Korean shops and resturants in that area. We walked through this street which has been coined "Hot guy street" because a lot of predebut rookie kpop groups hang around there and try and get people to go to their shows.
We went to a cafe and talked for a while. It's just so nice how easy it is talking to someone who has similar interests as you, it was so nice seeing her and getting to spend time with her that day. We then headed to a concert venue where Miranda was taking me to a concert for a group she really likes called Circus Crazy. They're a Korean group but pretty much only promote and perform in Japan and have quite a tiny fanbase. Outside the venue, everyone seemed to know each other so lots of people were saying hi to Miranda and asked about me because I obviously stood out. They were all so lovely to me, it was nice meeting them even with the language barrier. The venue was a tiny little place, really intimate with less than 50 fans there. The group don't have a lot of original songs out yet so the show consisted mostly of covers but it was a fun show. One thing i thought was really cool was that their lightstick has a different colour for each member so you can set it to whoever your bias is or set it to a certain member when they performed a solo song.
As soon as the show ended, we were herded upstairs because another group was performing straight after. That's another thing, I never knew about this culture of tiny kpop groups trying to get their name out in Japan, none which have debuted yet in Korea and I found out that in a venue like the one we went to, there can be around 5 shows in the one day.
Upstairs was where all the fan meet stuff was happening, initially I was just going to buy a polaroid but Miranda convinced me to also get a sign. Because it was my first show, I also got a free selfie pass with one member. I chose Mingyu who is Miranda's favourite member. The photo time was really short so I didn't really say much.
The polaroid was next and for this, you're allowed to bring in as many people as you want so I got Miranda to come into the photo with me. She told them all that I was her friend from Australia and to be nice. I stood between Mingyu and Daehan and oh man Daehan was so cute. He was holding onto me the whole time and was really clingy and cute and when I was about to leave, he was all "no don't leave and wouldn't let go of my hands" then the other member, Kevin who's American called me back "don't go, I didn't get to shake your hand" they were so nice, it was was great. Even the photographer girl was really nice and it was such a great new experience.
For the signing, Miranda went first and I heard Kevin asking questions about me to which she told him to just ask me himself, I thought that was funny. Minghyu was first and he asked me how to spell my name to write it down and it was almost comical how long it took because of my accent and the language barrier. He then held my hands and sort of just looked at me for a really long time which was so intense haha I mean he's good looking and was staring at me, I got nervous. Kevin was next, he asked me my name and if I always lived in Australia, I thanked him for the show and he was very nice. Daehan was cute once again, we only said a couple of things to each other.
After everyone was done, we went downstairs where the guys came down and said their goodbyes and then it was all over.
Miranda then took me to some shops where they sell kpop merch, I had unfortunately run out of money at this point so I couldn't buy everything I wanted.
We then parted and I made my way to meet up with Jenny and Ayontika to get dinner. We tried to find the place where we ate the magical chicken nanban from our first Japan trip but the area had changed and we couldn't find it so we went to another place and had skewers and other bar food.
Oh dear I just realised I started off well with shorter dot points but I've gone back into writing long passages...my bad
DAY 6
This day is honestly a bit of a blur so the events I remember from this day either happened this day or another day.
- Had brunch at Ichiran Ramen
- Did a bit of shopping in Shibuya
Wow my memory of this day is really bad? I wish I had photos to jog my memory
- Went back to Shin Okubo and bought some kpop merch
- We had tempura for dinner
Day 7
- Tik was staying in Japan longer than us so we parted from her and made our way to the train station. We left our luggage there then went back to Harajuku for some last minute shopping.
- Back to the station then took a bus to the airport then home
It was such a short trip but it was completely wonderful. Tokyo is one of, if not my favourite city that I have visited so I loved going back. Tik told me that this week was filled with everything I loved and that's so accurate. Travelling, fangirling, food, I just love the freedom that comes with being on holidays, getting away from everything, combine that with concerts and there's no better feeling.
Friday, 12 January 2018
Hot Potato
So last year was a bit of a roller coaster of ups and downs. I went to the most concerts I've ever been to in a single year and saw so many of my favourite bands it was incredible. Started off with Panic! at the Disco, Green Day, Got7 which was my first kpop event in Australia, All Time Low/The Maine, K CON (which honestly was one of the best weekends of my life), You Me At Six, Mayday Parade and Vixx in both Sydney and Melbourne. Run ins of Josh Franceschi at the airport and Jung Taekwoon at Circular Quay in Sydney were just the icing on the most wonderful year of music I've ever had.
My personal life on the other hand was a mess. I have been the most depressed I've been in a long time, I've gained a lot of the weight I was starting to lose and just generally not taking care of myself which negatively impacted me both physically and mentally. This year my goal is to look after myself. It's been a couple of weeks into the year and I'm not doing a very good job at it but I will get there. I want to start exercising again and eating healthier, drinking more water, sleeping regular hours, looking after my skin, all the things I always aim for but never seem to do properly. Putting on weight again has caused my self esteem to once again plummet, I mean I've never really had much self esteem to begin with but it's even worse at the moment. I've been feeling tired constantly which makes everything feel worse. Just mostly miserable so I am determined to change that!
I've taken a couple of days off work because I haven't been feeling great but I'm trying to get my shit together and let's hope this all works out.
I'm leaving for Tokyo in two weeks which I'm beyond excited for. Yes I'm going for a concert, yes I have reached that level of fangirl. Hopefully in addition to taking better care of myself this year, I can also post better content on here.
Until next time
Friday, 22 December 2017
Replay
I swear I was planning on making a happier post since my last one but things happen and here we are. A few days ago I found out that Kim Jonghyun from Shinee passed away and I did not handle it well. I've written this over a couple of days and it's mainly to get things out of my system so I apologise if it's a bit of a mess of thoughts that don't flow properly.
I was at work when I found out and spent the last few hours of my shift feeling numb. As soon as I started driving home, I started crying and could not stop. All night and the next morning I was drifting in and out of sleep but would cry whenever I was awake. The whole time I spent at work the next day was painful, I felt sick, tired and had to take breaks to stop myself from crying. I couldn't eat, I felt faint and it was a struggle to get through the day.
I was at work when I found out and spent the last few hours of my shift feeling numb. As soon as I started driving home, I started crying and could not stop. All night and the next morning I was drifting in and out of sleep but would cry whenever I was awake. The whole time I spent at work the next day was painful, I felt sick, tired and had to take breaks to stop myself from crying. I couldn't eat, I felt faint and it was a struggle to get through the day.
I feel somewhat ridiculous getting this upset over the death of someone I never knew and honestly it's surprised me how much I've been affected by it especially since I've never cried this much over people I knew personally who passed away. I really like Shinee and Jonghyun but I admit I have never been as emotionally attached to them as I am with other groups so these feelings really hit me out of nowhere.
It may be due to a combination of things, I have been going through one of my episodes lately, not one of my worst ones but I haven't been in a great place mentally. I also haven't been sleeping well, I keep having really vivid (mostly unpleasant) dreams from which I get woken up several times during the night. So the tiredness and emotional vulnerability I was experiencing may have resulted in a greater reaction to the news than I normally would have. But mostly I think it is because of the circumstance of his death.
I'm not going to lie, I have had suicidal thoughts quite often and have been at a point when I have seriously considered it. I'm not in that place anymore but I do still, from time to time think about death and dying. I don't know, I guess I'm trying to justify or understand the reasons for why I was so affected over this news. I guess I saw a lot of my suffering in him and it broke me up that someone had to go through the same things I do to the point where it ultimately consumed him.
Reading his 'goodbye letter' was unbelievably painful but it also scared me because of how similar my thoughts have been, it easily sounded like things I have told and continue to tell myself and I hate that other people go through this, it's not fair.
It's almost all I've been thinking about the past few days. I tried to distance myself from it at the start but it was everywhere and hard to avoid. I read this excerpt from an interview and it just hit so close to home because I relate to this so much.
It's almost all I've been thinking about the past few days. I tried to distance myself from it at the start but it was everywhere and hard to avoid. I read this excerpt from an interview and it just hit so close to home because I relate to this so much.
I feel like I've been making this entire thing about me, what I've been going through, how I feel. I don't mean to be selfish but I can only speak about things from my viewpoint.
I've been trying to understand why I'm so affected but I don't need a reason, just that I am and I'm slowly getting better. Seeing so many other people experiencing the same thoughts and emotions I've been going through the past few days has been so helpful, I'm not alone in this,we all have each other and we all care about Jonghyun. All the shared videos of times when he was happy and silly and all the jokes about the things he's going to get up to in heaven. All the supportive messages from friends and strangers saying it's okay to be upset, there's nothing wrong with you, I'm here for you. Everything has been helping me get through this and making it easier to continue.
I want to start taking care of myself better from now on. I've been in my own thoughts so much the past few days, I need a break, I need a distraction. I need to surround myself with people I love and do things that make me happy.
I've been trying to understand why I'm so affected but I don't need a reason, just that I am and I'm slowly getting better. Seeing so many other people experiencing the same thoughts and emotions I've been going through the past few days has been so helpful, I'm not alone in this,we all have each other and we all care about Jonghyun. All the shared videos of times when he was happy and silly and all the jokes about the things he's going to get up to in heaven. All the supportive messages from friends and strangers saying it's okay to be upset, there's nothing wrong with you, I'm here for you. Everything has been helping me get through this and making it easier to continue.
I want to start taking care of myself better from now on. I've been in my own thoughts so much the past few days, I need a break, I need a distraction. I need to surround myself with people I love and do things that make me happy.
We lost a beautiful person but he'll forever be in our hearts.
Rest in peace Jonghyun, you did so well.
Friday, 9 June 2017
AM 4:44
I have about three unfinished drafts which I have been meaning to finish and post but haven't gotten around to it. I'll hopefully do that some time but I had to start this new one because I just needed to get this off my chest.
The past month? Couple of months I guess haven't been great. I got my period which lasted almost three weeks which led me to be constantly being tired and emotional. I thought the emotional aspect of things was because of my hormones being all over the place, and I guess that was part of it but I was also going into one of my depressive episodes at the time and I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. Basically I thought things would go back to normal by now, but they haven't. I mean my period has stopped, well it stopped for a few weeks then started again today but that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is, I've been going through depression for years and yes it's not as bad as it used to be a few years ago but I still get depressive episodes from time to time but they generally don't last very long. That is until now. Which is why I'm writing this. I haven't gone through an episode that's lasted this long in years and it's unsettling. I know I should get help, trust me, I know. I haven't exactly done the best thing to manage my condition over the past, probably because I found a way to cope and its been working for me so far. I know it's probably not healthy, I don't need people telling me what to do, I know. Just let me deal with it and I'll get help when I'm ready. Honestly I've thought about seeing someone about this recently just because it's been pretty bad lately and it's probably about time I got proper help, it's just so hard to open up about this.
I still find it awkward and uncomfortable to talk about with the people I'm closest with, let alone a stranger. I've done it before, when I first got diagnosed and it was one of the hardest things I had to do so I have to mentally prepare myself to go through all of that again.
I don't even know what the point of this was anymore. Basically things feel like they've been falling apart around me and it's getting harder and harder to pretend like I'm okay. I mean I am okay but I also really want to die you know? I don't know why that made me laugh.
I've been thinking about dying a lot lately which isn't new but I recently told one person about and she's the only one I've ever told because it's scary and uncomfortable and I don't want to burden people with what a mess of a person I am. Honestly I don't know why people are friends with me but I'm forever grateful I have these people in my life because who knows where I would be without them. Oh and the whole thinking about dying thing, don't worry I'm not thinking about actually doing anything to myself, that was a different time and I'm glad I'm not there anymore, I just think about dying in general. I'll stop talking about that now okay. Like it's hard enough talking about being depressed in general without bringing up this shit.
I swear when I thought about this post I had a clearer message but it's become all over the place...
I just hate this state of mind I'm in right now, it's so draining and it's impacting me both physically and mentally. I've been spending more time in bed and have been less productive than ever. I'm pretty sure I've put on weight again so there goes that little work I put into losing it. I've been crying a lot, if I didn't have to go to work every day, I feel like I would start reverting back to the version of myself from a few years ago and isn't that a scary thought.
What else? History disbanded which fucking ripped my heart apart, Music has been the biggest thing that has helped me get through bad days, it's been my life source in a way and I know it's probably silly to get so upset over a band disbanding but it means so much to me. They mean so much to me. I have a coping mechanism when things get bad and that's to distract myself. It's what I do and what I've done for as long as I can remember. I lose myself in music and tv and movies and books so much because they distract me, which gives me the illusion that things are okay, if just for a little while. So that's probably why I get so obsessed with things because it keeps my mind thinking about something else and just because it makes me happy. History made me happy and I'm so thankful for that. I was supposed to do a whole post just about them which I still may do but yeah that's what else has been going on with my life I guess.
I should probably stop writing, this is such a mess. Anyway if you read this, don't be worried about me. I just needed to spew my thoughts and feelings because bottling them up was getting to me. Like honestly I was standing outside staring at the moon before I walked back in and started writing this. I forgot how therapeutic it could be to write on here. It's probably why I used to post so much back then.
Hopefully I'll be back soon with actual quality content (not that anyone even reads this blog anymore). But I've had so many things I've wanted to write about and I really do miss keeping this journal of sorts.
Okay I'll actually stop writing now.
Sunday, 18 September 2016
She's Dreaming
Wow I don't even know how to start. I can't believe it's been almost two years since my last blog post. I don't know how I let it go for so long but I'm hoping to get back into blogging because I do miss it.
So much has happened in the past almost two years (but also not really that much), that it would feel a bit excessive to write all about it (as much as I want to), so I guess I'll just do a summary at the end.
So much has happened in the past almost two years (but also not really that much), that it would feel a bit excessive to write all about it (as much as I want to), so I guess I'll just do a summary at the end.
I planned on coming back to blogging quite a few months ago but I wanted to clean up my older posts (fix dead links and things like that) before I did that, but there are so many and it'll take me forever to do that. So I guess I'll start posting normally and slowly try to clean up the older posts a bit.
I'm not sure if I'll be successful in keeping this going but I'll try.
Until then, I guess I'll just leave you a list of the most significant events I can think of from the past 22 months.
- Went to Vanuatu with Priya and Varsha which was my first overseas holiday without family (and it was so great)
- Went to India for my cousin's wedding
- Got typhoid (in India) and spent a week in hospital (in Australia)
- Watched Haikyuu!! which I can probably now claim as my second favourite anime
- Saw All Time Low for the second time
- Watched season 2 (the last season) of Free!
- Discovered the strangest Korean show called "The Lover" which introduced me to the kpop group Cross Gene (so much for I'm okay just liking EXO)
- Saw You Me At Six for the fifth time
- Continued falling more and more in love with Scooby
- Went to my first proper musical (The Lion King)
- Stumbled upon History (another kpop group...oh yeah this whole kpop thing blew way out of proportion and is basically a huge part of my life now...who saw that coming huh?)
- Discovered the joys of eyeliner and lipstick
- Found out I
mayhave a 'type' in guys... (at least when it comes to kpop) - Became closer with some friends and lost other friends
- Another kpop group in the form of Got7 happened which made me go yeah okay it was stupid of me to think I could only like a couple of these groups (so I won't list the discovery of any more after this)
- Finished my diploma
- Went to Japan, South Korea and Hong Kong with Jenny and Ayontika (still not over how much I loved this holiday)
- Went to my first kpop concert while in Japan (I saw History)
- Met the love of my life, Kyungil on three different days while in Japan (also met the other History members which was amazing)
- Starting working my first proper full time job
I think that's all?
Ha my summary of 2016 is basically just that last point...what else have I done this year?
Ha my summary of 2016 is basically just that last point...what else have I done this year?
I've forgotten how to end a post so I guess I'll just stop typing now
Tuesday, 4 November 2014
Heart Attack
So much shit has happened since my last post, but at the
same time it feels like not a lot has happened. I was supposed to make several
posts, but that clearly didn’t happened, so maybe I’ll do a recap since my last
post (I know I’ve forgotten/ been too lazy to add everything, also a few things may be in the wrong months but everything sort of blends together so I forget). This is kind of
long so warning.
May
The worst thing happened though; Hugh Jackman was going to
appear on the Project so he took a bloody train (ON MY TRAIN LINE) to South
Yarra, so people who were on the platform at MC got to take photos and things
with him. I’m still fuming over the fact that I missed that. The police
actually told me about this, we were on the platform when three of them approached
us and asked where I got my poster from then told us Hugh Jackman was there
earlier, to which I started groaning and complaining about (they found that
amusing). Oh well, didn’t get to meet him but it was still fun and I got to go
to see my first red carpet.
--
I watched Days of Future Past by myself because I was
impatient and couldn’t wait for everyone to be free. I wrote a post about it
but never posted that either.
--
It was exam season but I started watching a show called The
Following. I said I would only watch one episode while I ate but that turned
into seven episodes in the one day and the rest of the season that week. It
started off REALLY good but then sort of lost the appeal so I haven’t seen
season 2 yet. It had Adan Canto in it (who is really dreamy), so I looked up
other things he’s in (apart from DOFP) and there wasn’t much because he’s a
newbie, but there was one show called Mixology, so of course I downloaded it
and watched the whole thing in a few days.
A show I clearly watched for the plot, no but the show was quite bad. The characters were annoying and the jokes weren't funny, but I stuck through for all the attractive that is Adan Canto.
Exam season, the
JUNE
Watched DOFP again but this time with the gang, we then went
out for Korean bbq as a little ‘seeing Nug for the last time before America’
thing. Thuy was there which was so good because I hadn’t seen her in forever.
--
Watched Maleficent with Diem and kind of loved the movie. It
was the last day of Chadstone Hoyts being open until 2016, which can you
believe they’ll be closed for THAT long?
--
Went to EXITUS with Thanh and Susan. It’s a place where
there are different themed rooms, you pick one and they give you 40 minutes to
solve the puzzle, ours was a Casino heist where we had to break into the main
vault but solve all these little puzzles first. We made it out of the first two
rooms but then time ran out so we couldn’t finish it but oh man it was so fun!
I felt like I was Nancy Drew, trying to solve the things. Definitely want to go
back and try one of the other rooms.
We didn’t know where to eat for lunch so we wandered around for
ages until we settled on the pub on Bourke. We started talking about karaoke so spontaneously went and that was
fun too.
--
The World Cup happened, which I’m sad I never made a post
about because I had a plan on how I was going to do things. I watched all the
Australia games which all made my heart hurt but also swell with pride. It was
so sad seeing Tim Cahill’s last cup match though. I had a lot to say about the
world cup but I won’t go on, just that I was really happy with the results.
--
I read The Fault In Our Stars, then watched the movie with
Priya and Varsha. Honestly didn’t love either, everyone was going on about how
amazing it is but I don’t know, it sort of bored me and I didn’t think the
writing was that great. I did still cry reading the book though; the movie
however didn’t make me cry.
--
I started (and now finished) watching Avatar: The Last
Airbender. Nug told me to watch it a few years ago so I finally got on board
and it’s so great! I remember when it was on tv but I never paid any attention
to it, really glad I finally ended up watching it because the story is so great
and so are the characters.
--
I had kind of a bad relapse for a while, which resulted in
one of the worst crying sessions I’ve had in a long time. One good thing that
came out of it was the discovery of this Remus/Sirius modern au fic. It said it
was written in the format of texts which didn’t sound that appealing but I
tried it and oh gosh it’s glorious. It hasn’t been finished yet but oh man it
just makes me SO happy, one of the cutest things I’ve ever read.
--
Sharline and Susan came over and we played this princessmakeover game. I’m going to link it here because seriously, it’s so much fun.
We got a little carried away and spent hours on it making ourselves into
princesses.
We then played Nancy Drew: Ghost of Thorton Hall.
Before I
talk about it, I just want to complain about how my local library no longer has
computer cds for you to borrow which means no more Nancy Drew games! I have to
look for them elsewhere now which makes things difficult.
It was Susan’s first time playing and I think she really liked it. It was funny because she was getting so scared. We finished the game that night and they both slept over.
It was Susan’s first time playing and I think she really liked it. It was funny because she was getting so scared. We finished the game that night and they both slept over.
Next day at night I went to Sharline’s house, Jen was there
too and we ate fried chicken that Sharline’s parents made. The three of us then
met up with Susan and watched 22 Jump Street which is so great. I don’t think
there have been comedy movies as good as the Jump Street movies lately.
--
My cousin moved from Perth and has been living with us
since. It’s been around 4 months now and I don’t think we’ve talked to each
other more than ten times. I thought it would be awkward having him here,
because we’re not close at all but it hasn’t been weird because he’s usually
doing his own thing.
--
Aishu had her hen’s party which was an Alice in Wonderland
themed tea party. I dressed up as a card, there were 8 people dressed as
twiddledee & twiddledum. They had the table set up and it was so cute
because they had all these AIW decorations, I should have taken a photo. We
played random games like making a wedding dress out of toilet paper.
--
My niece came over on the Monday of my last week of holidays
and stayed until Thursday. We watched How to Train Your Dragon 2, ate a lot,
played the princess game a lot and watched more movies. She’s so cute, she told
me that she wanted to be like me when she grew up, which might be the nicest
thing someone has ever said to me. Constantly complimenting me, saying how cool
I am and she’s so polite too, I shouldn’t say this but she’s definitely the
favourite out of all my cousins kids. Sharline came over during one of the
days, we had fob rolls for lunch and watched the Grand Budapest Hotel.
Disha (my niece) left Thursday night, Sharline and Susan
came over then. We may have played the princess game again, but we also made
princes this time. Yes we are adults.
The next day Jenny came over for the Pork party. We went to
Parkmore to buy ingredients, Thanh met us there and we all went back home.
Had roast pork and Afghan bread with kale chips and coleslaw
for lunch. Pulled pork rolls for dinner, which tasted heavily of tomato sauce
which was strange because there was hardly any in there.
Watched Honey Boo Boo season 3 while we ate, then dropped
off Thanh at the station. Came back home and watched The Awkward Moment, which
if you ever have the chance to watch it, don’t. I thought it would be a comedy
but it wasn’t, it was so bad it made Susan angry. Sharline and Susan went home,
Jenny and I watched the tennis and football.
JULY
I watched Shingeki No Kyojin (Attack On Titan), which I
really liked but it was so different from what I imagined. It’s funny because
all I saw on tumblr about it were the various pairings people liked (like there's this one pairing I would see everywhere and one of those characters isn't even that important), didn't
know much about the plot so I was surprised. It’s quite dark and gory but it’s
interesting. The annoying thing is that the manga is still going on so have to
wait a while until they have enough material to do a season 2.
--
We were supposed to have a last catch up before Aishu got
married dinner but plans fell through very last minute so Priya and I got take
away from Pings, a cheesecake from Coles (which we may have eaten half of, and
watched Bollywood Queen. She appreciated Bollywood Queen for all its glory, and
I enjoyed it just as much the third time around.
--
Jenny and Sharline came over for Nancy Drew, it was Jenny's first time and I love how everyone is a little sceptical before they play but then end up enjoying themselves (really these games are so great). We played
which wasn't as scary as some of the other games but it was still fun, also Jenny had a bit of a crush on one of the characters (I think it was the accent).
--
Went to Viv’s house, she made Sharline and I meatballs which
were really nice, and I tried purple cauliflower for the first time. We went
over to Anders’ house because the baby chicks they had hatched. I don’t think I’ve
ever heard anyone squeal as much as I heard Sharline squeal that day. The
chicks were really cute though.
--
Went to Susan’s house one night, Sharline and Jenny were
there. Jenny and I went to buy food and things to make smores with. We sat by
the fireplace and ate pad thai, nachos and cake. Viv and Anders came over too
and we toasted marshmallows, which is something I’ve always wanted to try, just
the toasting part, not actually eating it.
--
Sharline came over for an anime night, we just watched Ouran
High School Host Club and a couple of episodes of Free! I started (and have now
finished) Ouran, it’s funny that the show was on ABC3, but it’s funny and the
characters grew on me so it was sad when it ended.
--
Aishu’s wedding! It was kinda odd because she’s the first
person around my age who I’ve known for years get married, but she looked so
happy and it was really cute. I didn't appreciate the ‘you’re next’ that people
said to me.
--
Nug came back from America so she came over, Sharline and
Susan came too and we skyped with Jenny while Nug told us about America and
showed us some of the stuff she bought at the Wizarding World. Oh and she
bought us all house badges which is so cool!
August
Also known as there month where nothing else matters apart
from my birthday (I kid, but no I don’t because I really like my birthday).
I woke up to a birthday card, money and chocolate (the
strawberries and cream lindt balls, they’re so good!). Thanh and I watched
Guardians of the Galaxy then had lunch and I had to get to class after. That
night, my parents got me a birthday cake which was nice, and we went out for
dinner. Overall, a quiet but nice birthday
--
Exams were approaching again and I was having kind of a bad
night so I decided to go to bed earlier than I normally would. Around 11 I
heard the door bell so I went and answered the door and it was Susan, Sharline
and Nug with a birthday cake. Completely unexpected but it was so nice! Also oh
god the cake was made to look like a swimming pool (because of free!), I was so
in love with it. HOW COOL IS THAT!? I didn’t take any photos which I regret; I
think I was a little in shock so I didn’t know what to do.
Susan gave me Cluedo as a present (which we have yet to play), then left. Nug and Sharline stayed till about 1am talking and it was nice because I hadn’t seen them in a while. So nice of them to do that!
--
I watched a show called In the Flesh. There are two seasons
so far, 9 hour long episodes, which I watched in a little over a day. It’s such
a great show, really recommend it, it’s interesting and different. Just a
warning though, if you do watch it, beware of episode 3 of season 1 because I
was a sobbing mess during that episode.
SEPTEMBER
Had dinner with Piyumi, Sneha and Viv, it was good catching
up after ages. We had Gelato Messina for dessert; it was my first time there.
Let’s just say it was so good, I had a dream about going back.
I was gushing a little about the concerts I was going to go to so Sneha looked at me all seriously and went, “Monisha, I have something to ask you, I want to get into your head, what is it about bands that you like so much? Is it the music or is it the way they look?”
It made me laugh a little because of how serious she seemed. I’m not very good at answering this but of course it’s always about the music. See with actors I can get obsessed purely based on looks and I’ll watch their movies and things but with bands, I have to like the music for me to get into them. I tried it with one band, they were all cute so I watched a few interviews and things but I didn’t love the music so I couldn’t get more into them. Anyway I’m rambling now but basically why am I so into bands? MUSIC Why am I so into music? Because I don’t know where I would be without it. Music has always been there in the darkest times when I felt alone and it continues to be there for me. When everything feels like its falling apart, music is there as a comforting presence. Just MUSIC *throws heart shaped confetti*.
I was gushing a little about the concerts I was going to go to so Sneha looked at me all seriously and went, “Monisha, I have something to ask you, I want to get into your head, what is it about bands that you like so much? Is it the music or is it the way they look?”
It made me laugh a little because of how serious she seemed. I’m not very good at answering this but of course it’s always about the music. See with actors I can get obsessed purely based on looks and I’ll watch their movies and things but with bands, I have to like the music for me to get into them. I tried it with one band, they were all cute so I watched a few interviews and things but I didn’t love the music so I couldn’t get more into them. Anyway I’m rambling now but basically why am I so into bands? MUSIC Why am I so into music? Because I don’t know where I would be without it. Music has always been there in the darkest times when I felt alone and it continues to be there for me. When everything feels like its falling apart, music is there as a comforting presence. Just MUSIC *throws heart shaped confetti*.
--
CONCERT WEEK which I want to write a separate post about but
it was three consecutive days of shows and it was bloody brilliant but tiring
as hell. I wasn't getting much sleep the week before then during this week I had uni on all the days and would get home late and end up messaging Jenny about it until even later so the fatigue and lack of sleep got to me and I got sick. I'm getting old.
--
Thanh told me about a book called Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe, which I finally got around to reading and oh man please just go read this book because it made my heart feel fuzzy. It's just such a sweet book and I cried reading it but it made me so happy. Just go read it.
--
My uncle came over from India for three weeks and because my
cousin is in the spare room, my uncle was in my room so I slept on the couch
for 3 whole weeks. If you follow me on twitter, you’ll know how much whining I
did over it.
--
Tik told me about this web comic called The Less than EpicAdventures of TJ and Amal.This is another one of those things where I was told
about it ages ago but I finally got around to it. It’s about these two guys who
sort of go on this road trip and oh man it’s so great! I loved it and you know
what’s really cool? Amal speaks Telugu! There’s a bit in the comic where he’s
imitating his parents so he says something in Telugu and I was like holy crap I
understood that, so awesome because you never see Telugu characters. If there’s
an Indian character in something 99% of the time they’re going to speak Hindi.
Anyway besides that, it’s just really good, it’s funny and sweet and has great
characters. I’m going to link it here, it’s got a few nsfw scenes (maybe like 3
or 4) so warning there but it’s really good!
I was in love so I asked for more. She told me about
Starfighter which holy crap, completely in love with this one too. It sucks
that I can’t tell people to read this (but totally do if you're interested, I've included a link)because it’s very heavy on the nsfw (and
most of my friends are too pure for that), like basically half plot half porn
but oh man, this one is set in space and the whole universe they’ve created is
so interesting, makes me want to know everything about it and all the
characters BUT Tik may have forgotten to mention that it was a work in progress
so I reached the last page and was like NO IT’S NOT FINISHED. It’s so painful
waiting for updates because it’s literally one page every who knows when. I
reread the whole thing again because I felt like I missed a lot the first time,
ugh so good!
--
Free! my beloved Free! came to an end. Who knew I would grow
so attached to the show but here I am, one year after I watched the first episode,
completely besotted. I discovered this show around the time I had that episode
with my parents so I was in a terrible place and this show was that little 20
minutes of escape. I don’t know what it is but it just makes me so happy. I
adore every little thing about this show; it gave me something to look forward
to on Thursdays. The last episode had me bawling but it was a nice ending. Now
to get everyone else to watch it, which is totally going to happen!
--
Jenny, Thanh, Nug and I had lunch at Ponyfish Island, then
went to another place and had chips. Nug pulled out this Monopoly card game and
oh man it’s so fun. We played a round there, then went and had hot/iced
chocolate and played another round there.
OCTOBER
Went to Sharline’s house and just hung out with her and
Jenny. I got my birthday presents from Jenny which was this awesome Anberlin
jumper which Jenny painted herself, what a gun, the seventh Harry Potter book, a
salad spinner (there’s a story there) and this really cool heat changing Doctor
Who mug.
--
I don’t even know why but I randomly decided to download EXO’s
(Who are a Korean/Chinese boy band) album. Don’t ask me why because I actually
don’t know. This is how it happened; I saw someone post what I think is a
Korean song on tumblr, so my brain went oh hey let me download EXO. That’s the
story. Weird huh, because I actually heard about them two years ago from
Chaniga and then again from Sharline who showed me random videos of them and
told me stuff about them but no one ever told me to listen to their music.
Anyway so I listened and listened some more and some more and I really dug
their music so I told Sharline and she flipped out a little. Honestly I just needed a bit of a break from my normal music which was bumming me out, I mean I love my music but those songs were making my heart ache and I just needed something meaningless and light.
I was going to watch their music video but she said she had to be there when I watched it so I waited.
I was going to watch their music video but she said she had to be there when I watched it so I waited.
We had a dip party at her house with Susan and Nug so I watched
some of their videos and we ate dip and played the monopoly card game (I always
forget what it’s called).
They said they were curious which one of the guys I found
attractive, so I looked them up when I went home and I couldn’t really tell who
was who because there are so many of them so Sharline gave me weekend ‘homework’
to pick a favourite and sent me all these links to photos of them to help me
decide. I went through things and picked two, who are now my ‘bias’, apparently
that’s what you call your favourite one, I don’t know.
This is Kris and Sehun
Hmm and then Sharline
said we should watch their show but we couldn’t think of a day that was soon
because exams but then one Friday night, right before swotvac, I was having a
shitty night and wasn’t getting any work done so I messaged Sharline like “hey
we should have done the EXO viewing tonight” so she said why don’t we, and that
is how we ended up watching videos of them for almost 5 hours, until almost 3
in the morning, when I had to be up at 7 the next day. It was worth it though,
it was so nice to sort of forget about everything for a while and just laugh,
and laugh I did. They're all so cute and dorky oh man this is so bad.
Things have now escalated and I am in deep with all things
EXO. I think I’ve watched more youtube these past couple of weeks than I have
the whole year. Seriously, you don’t want to introduce me to new things because
if I like it, I will get obsessed. It’s a condition I have been plagued with
since I was a kid.
But it's so bad, I don't think I've been like this about something for a while. Like the other day I was getting really emotional over Kris and how he's not in the band anymore which is so stupid because I didn't even know them when he was in the band. I'm already really emotionally invested in these 12 stupid boys.
--
Ryland and Alex from Cobra Starship left the band. I thought something was going to happen but then Cobra announced a new album in the works and talked about rehearsals so I was pumped and I listened to Viva La Cobra after so long so it was terrible hearing about them leaving. I hate that this happens. Why can't bands stay together forever. I'm going to miss them so much. They appeared very briefly in the new music video, where they wave goodbye and oh man why? It sucks because Cobra were my happy band but not there's this.
--
Ryland and Alex from Cobra Starship left the band. I thought something was going to happen but then Cobra announced a new album in the works and talked about rehearsals so I was pumped and I listened to Viva La Cobra after so long so it was terrible hearing about them leaving. I hate that this happens. Why can't bands stay together forever. I'm going to miss them so much. They appeared very briefly in the new music video, where they wave goodbye and oh man why? It sucks because Cobra were my happy band but not there's this.
I had/am having the worst exam period out of the 4 this year. Terrible swotvac where I felt completely unmotivated and didn't get much done. The last two weeks have been spent crying and feeling miserable, which is why I have been losing myself in EXO videos to get away from everything and I feel like it's keeping me sane because they make me happy. I stuck through and got my exams done for RMIT, got the results back already and they're my worst marks this year but still not bad, I was just aiming for a pass so it's pretty great that I still managed to get a HD average for exams (thank fuck for doing well in my midsems).
Now I have my Monash ones and any ounce of motivation I had has completely left me and I have not studied at all and I'm finding myself not caring which is not good because there's a 100% chance I'm going to fail them. I just feel so drained, I did 5 units with RMIT and 2 with Monash so I did a shitty job at balancing the two so I completely neglected the Monash ones and I should care because it's a waste and what are my parents going to say if I fail again but I just don't care. I mean I do but I also don't. I think I don't feel as bad because this already feels like a huge accomplishment, I mean this is me, who went from failing and dropping out of a majority of my classes the past few years, to finishing a year of classes with relatively good grades (excluding the Monash stuff of course). Another reason I'm not caring is because I'm not going to continue with Monash next year, there's no way I can do both so I'm going to finish this with RMIT and then I can always finish my degree through RMIT too. Just ugh I don't know I hate myself so much right now but I just don't think I have it in me to do more at this point, I have given up and I feel like trash for that but I don't know what to do.
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